


Failed Step 1

by orphann_account



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Dildos, Dubious Medical Practices, M/M, Toys, Vibrators, butt stuff, its, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphann_account/pseuds/orphann_account
Summary: Scout gets a dildo stuck up his ass. Medic has to intervene.
Relationships: Medic/Scout (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 88





	Failed Step 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by that one post about a guy having to go to the doctor cause he got a dildo stuck up his ass: https://imgur.com/gallery/X4HQG. it makes me laugh sometimes. fun fact: this document was called "medicscout stuck in but". take this with a grain of salt cause i know nothing about... actual medical practices. i am pretty sure doctors aren't supposed to fuck you with the dildo after getting it out, but medic doesn't follow the rules anyway.

“You. Did. What.”

Medic can’t believe this. Well, he almost can. He sees a lot of stupid shit on a daily basis. Oh no, I tripped and fell into a rock! Medic, I rocket jumped straight into a building! Doc, I grabbed my melee weapon by the wrong side and cut myself!

In sum, a lot of dumb things. He knows his fellow mercs don’t exactly have the highest IQs in the world. They were hired for their skills, not their brains. Well, some of them, anyway.

But he expected better.

“You heard me the first time,” Scout whines.

And so he had. He’s just having a hard time wrapping his mind around it as he watches the Scout squirm on his operating table. He knows it must’ve taken a lot of swallowing of pride for him to come to Medic like th-

“Doc, c’mon, it’s not my fault! This thing shoulda come with instructions.”

Aaand there it is. Medic sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose. Takes a couple breaths. Balances the costs and benefits of not treating him. Benefit, he doesn’t have to deal with him. Cost, he’ll have to deal with him later, and the problem isn’t going away.

He’s just come to the conclusion he has to treat Scout when another whine from the subject in question interrupts his thoughts, and he focuses on the merc squirming on the table, eyes rolling back.

“So, just to recap. You purchased a dildo.”

“ _Vibrating_ dildo,” Scout shoots back, and yes, ignoring his breathy voice, Medic can in fact hear a faint buzzing.

“Of course, a vibrating dildo. It arrived. You decided to use it on yourself, and you miscalculated how deep it would go inside you.”

“Yes, that’s what I said,” Scout replies, hands gripping the edge of the table tightly.

“You need me to. Get it out.”

“Well, I tried, and it just made things worse. C’mon, I’m asking nicely n’ everythin’!” Scout whines, blood concentrated in a part of his body that is decidedly not his brain.

“Actually, you came in here and demanded I get zat thing out of you.”

“What, you want me to say please? Every second I’m losing it inside a’ me more and more, doc!”

“Scout, you’re not an endless pit. It can’t enter you indefinitely.”

“Medic!”

After a dose of Scout’s puppy-dog eyes, Medic sighs and concedes, snapping his gloves on. “Fine. Pants off, bend over.”

While Scout is stripping, Medic digs through his drawers to find the lube. Heaven knows how much the young runner actually thought to use, and better safe than sorry.

When he turns back around, he’s treated to the sight of Scout, face down on his table and pants + underwear tossed to the side. He can also see the merc’s cock, hard between his thighs, which he had been fruitlessly ignoring during their earlier conversation.

“After all zat, you didn’t even get off?” Medic shakes his head, moving towards the other.

“Well, the sexiness was kinda ruined when I lost a dildo inside a’ me. ‘Course, it keeps vibrating, so it’s not like I’m losin’ this boner anytime soon,” Scout snaps back, but the effect is ruined now that Medic can see him clenching around nothing.

“Oh, hush. I’ll have it out in no time. And next time, attach a string to it or something,” Medic mumbles, lubing up his gloved hands.

“Oh, why didn’t I- now why didn’t I think a’ dat! Oh, if only I had the foresight to attach a s _tring_ to this dildo I thought for sure I couldn’t lose inside a’ me, how smart-“ Scout continues to rant like this, but tapers off when lubed fingers start to tease at his hole.

“You stretched yourself properly first? I would have thought you’d just go ahead and try to fit something without any preparation,” Medic murmurs, slipping in two fingers easily and feeling for the still vibrating dildo.

It takes a second for Scout’s brain to work, as the feeling of the doctor’s fingers inside of him has his eyes rolling back in his head. When he processes the other’s words, he frowns. “I’m not stupid, doc! A’ course I prepared myself!”

Medic doesn’t think much of this response and hums instead of responding, getting two knuckles deep before he feels the circular edge of the dildo. “I’ve found it, I’m going to get it out now, okay?”

“Yeah, do whatever you need to,” comes the mumbled response.

Medic slips another finger in for posterity, prompting a sharp inhale from the other merc, before getting his fingers sort of hooked around the base and working his way out. “This might be easier if it had a flared base. In fact, it might not have gotten lost in you if it had a flared base.”

“Shut up,” Scout tries to hit back, but the overwhelming feelings of the vibrating toy and Medic’s fingers inside him has him squirming and panting.

Of course, these reactions haven’t gone unnoticed by the doctor. What kind of doctor would he be if he didn’t pay attention to his patients during an operation? “Scout.”

“Hmm?”

“Stop squirming.”

“I can’t- help that-“

Medic sighs and uses his other hand to hold him open and in place while he can feel the dildo getting closer to the exit.

“Hngh.”

“Yes, Scout?” He’s teasing. He knows it. He can see the other merc’s cock dripping onto his table (he’ll have to bleach that later), and he can’t very well send him back to his room with a boner. How helpful would that be?

Finally, he can even see the end of the dildo, it’s maybe half an inch from the surface, and good too as Scout is now letting out tiny little whines, clearly overwhelmed. Medic manages to work the end out, using his thumb and tugging at the rim of Scout’s hole (prompting some new noises). The other merc is twitching, hole even now clenching around the vibrating dildo, which has to feel even more intense.

Medic works an inch out, pauses, then carefully pushes it back in, not completely but purposely pressing up against where he thinks Scout’s prostate is. Of course, he hits right on target.

Scout yelps, hips twitching forward and hands gripping the edge of the table. “Doc! What’re ya doing?”

“Would you like me to stop?” Medic asks, simple and to the point. He wouldn’t do anything without consent, but he knows Scout won’t ask for it.

A couple of breaths, then a small, “No,” from Scout, and Medic is sliding the dildo back out, hand securely gripping the end as he controls the toy and makes it slide back in, nestling against the other’s prostate again.

“Ohhh, fuck, doc,” the runner moans, evidently not holding back now. “I’ve been so freakin’ hard for so long, I wanna cum so bad.”

“I know,” Medic murmurs, glad Scout can’t see him roll his eyes- he KNOWS, he’s been working Scout for a while now- but quickens his pace, fucking the other and hitting his prostate as often as he can.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck-“ Scout whines, hands tight against the table to keep himself in place against the onslaught. “Oh, fuck, shit, that feels- fuckin’ perfect, just keep goin’-“

Like he’d even be planning to stop. Medic took in all of Scout’s reactions, fucking himself back against the dildo now, eyes shut tight while his mouth drops open to gasp for breath. He’s dripping onto the table, evidently close- although he’s probably been for hours now- and begging for Medic not to stop, tone getting higher and higher pitched.

Medic removes the hand holding Scout open and removes the glove with his teeth, then tentatively reaches around, and with no sign of freaking out from Scout, grasps his leaking cock to stroke in time with the thrusts of the dildo.

It all becomes too much for Scout who manages to gasp out, “Fuck, doc, I’m gonna- almost-“ before splattering all over the table, groaning out Medic’s name.

When it’s evident Scout has come down from his high, Medic eases the dildo out, placing it aside so Scout can take it back with him. Some half-hearted whines issue from the runner’s mouth, and a couple seconds pass before he flips himself over, tactfully avoiding the spot where he came. “Uh, thanks. For. That.”

“Of course, zat’s what I’m here for,” Medic replies, stripping off his other glove and tossing it in a bin.

“Is it, though?” Scout frowns, swinging his bare legs. “I don’t think you halfta get your patients off.”

“What was I going to do, send you back so close to ejaculating? Nein,” Medic shrugs, heading for the cleaning supplies.

“If you ever want me to, uh. Return the favor. You just give me a holler,” he hears Scout offer up, while sliding off the table and presumingly going for his pants.

He gives a noncommittal sound in response, but he’s already turning over the possibility in his head. It’s not often a subject offers themself up for an experiment so willingly, he thinks to himself as the door to the medbay shuts.

**Author's Note:**

> the other person who also got a dildo stuck up their ass (per the post) is most likely soldier or demo. fight


End file.
